


Innermost Thoughts of a Malfoy

by vikingeggs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry Potter, Demisexual Hermione Granger, Eventual Smut, Gay Draco Malfoy, Indian Harry Potter, Multi, POV Draco Malfoy, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, assholes in love, like really fucking slow burn, right now it's just plot, so much plot it hurts, these tags will update as chapters come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:37:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vikingeggs/pseuds/vikingeggs
Summary: Trying to readjust after war times is difficult. It's even more so when you realize that your bloody roommate, who you fought against during the war, and long past childhood rival just so happens to be your soulmate.Well, he doesn't exactly realize it yet but hey. Everybody needs a little nudge... Or maybe a shove, actually. By some little shithead 4th year trying to rush to class.Draco's been through enough as it is. Why can't he just get a damn break? Why did he have to end up beingHarry-goddamn-Potter'ssoulmate?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom, and I'm so so sorry for such a short first chapter! I meant for it to be longer but then I kept deleting a bunch of things and adjusting crap, so I ended up with this short as all hell masterpiece which I'm just going to refer to as a prologue for now.

_Entry #1_

_1st of September, 1999_

_I’d lost my journal since the war, and I hadn’t the motivation to go out and purchase a new one since then, but mother insisted on me going to buy myself a new one. I wasn’t all too surprised when I went to Diagon Alley only to be glared at by everyone there as I got my new school supplies. I mean, after all that happened I don’t blame them… Anyways, yes, you heard that right. New school supplies. A majority of students who missed out on the rest of their final year are returning to Hogwarts to finish off their education, I included. I won’t be surprised if I’m one of the only few who shows up since so many were lost from…_  
_Anyways, it’s my first day back today. Hopefully, I don’t run into the ‘Golden Trio’, seeing as they may decide to rip my head off the first chance they get._ _  
And honestly, I wouldn’t blame them. I don’t blame anybody for feeling that way when they see me._

 

It’s common knowledge that on the 15th time that you and your soulmate touch each other that the tattoo of the plant on your neck(whether it be a tree or other) will bloom and grow into an identical one to that of your soulmate’s. Unfortunately, Draco Malfoy is very unlikely to find his soulmate after all he’s done to others, and he’s pretty sure his soulmate would likely sooner die or abandon him or pretend he doesn’t _exist_ than be with him.

As he walked into the station, he stared down at the mirror in his hand, speaking with Pansy and Blaise. “What do you _mean_ you’re not coming back to Hogwarts? I thought-”

“Draco, we’ve been over this. I’m much too busy with these bloody children running around my house, and Blaise is working on that dumb business he insists running.”

“Hey! Convenient Magical Travel is useful!”

“Maybe for _long distances_ , but just about every witch and wizard can apparate wherever they please, _Blaise_.”

Draco rolled his eyes, “Stop your bickering. I’ll just deal with this.”

They both turned their attention back to Draco. “We’re sorry you’ll be the only returning Slytherin, Draco.” Pansy then apologized, “We’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh? How will you do that then?”

There’s a long pause, “We’ll figure something out.”

“You best hop on that train, Draco. Don’t want to miss it.” Blaise piped up.

Draco looked up at the train quickly, “Shit, you’re right. I’ll talk with you two when I get settled into the dormitory.”

“Alright.” Draco gave a weak, pained smile before putting the mirror into his messenger bag. He took a deep breath and looked at all the cold glares he was getting from other students and families. It was even worse when his eyes landed on three Gryffindors he had hoped to be there the _least_.

 _Shit_.

This was going to be a long school year.

* *

It was surreal how smooth and calmly McGonagall laid on the information that Potter and Draco would be paired up in a room together. Neither of them had dared look each other in the eye, and Draco kept his head hung whenever Potter would shoot him nasty glares throughout the day. Now he had to live with that shit? It wasn’t fair!

But he had no room to complain. He understood why she would pair him up in the same room as Potter. It was likely to help her keep a close eye on him. Make sure he doesn’t do anything dangerous and/or stupid. She obviously didn’t trust him. Of course, she didn’t. Why would she after what he _did_?

As he headed to his room, journal clutched to his chest, he tried to avoid the glares he got from the other eighth year students who had decided to come back and finish their education. His eyes stayed down toward the floor as he rushed away and into the confines of his half-private quarters.

Draco simply took his things and started to unpack on his side of the room right before Potter came in to do the same. He set some muggle books on his nightstand, put his clothes away, and made his bed with his favored purple bedding. He does this all whilst he feels Harry Potter’s eyes boring into the back of his head. He swallows thickly turns his head to look at him, realizing he’d finished unpacking already.

“Yes, Potter?” Draco tries to force his voice to sound even but it betrays him and sounds slightly higher than it normally would be. He hadn’t even properly seen his face when he looked at him earlier. The most prominent thing that was a bit new to him was this _look_ Potter had in those green eyes of his. It was something _different_ than what he’d ever seen come from him. It was unrecognizable- he had no idea what it was.

“If we’re going to be sharing a room I want to make a couple of things clear.”

 _Bloody hell, please don’t let this go even more downhill than it already has been._ Draco really didn’t want to deal with more problems now that he was here.

“Go on, Potter. I haven’t got all night.” He said, trying to make himself sound uninterested but his uncomfortable tone overriding it.

“You keep to your side and I’ll keep to mine. I’m not going to be an ass to you, but as long as you aren’t one to me. If we want privacy, we say something and the other leaves immediately. Don’t get angry if I’m doing something you consider obnoxious or don’t like and I’ll do the same for you.”

“So, would you just like me to pretend you don’t exist?”

“Well, not what I had in mind, but that works perfectly actually.” Potter blinks at Draco, who crosses his arms, trying not to stare at his eyes. His eyes which were just _so green_ and had such a _different_ expression in them.

“Smashing.” Draco’s voice was dripping with sarcasm now, finally managing to conceal his discomfort. “Can I return to unpacking now?”

“I believe you already finished.”

“Let me rephrase that then, in the simpleton ‘I can’t take a bloody hint’ way. I. Want. To. Be. Left. _Alone_.”

There was an excruciatingly painful, and fairly awkward, silence that came up as soon as he said that. Draco pauses before turning back to his bed and having a seat as he grabs one of the muggle books off of his nightstand and opens it to pretend to read it. Potter takes a moment to examine him(albeit suspiciously) before grabbing something of his and walking out of the room. Draco then drops the book back on the nightstand and groans, pulling one of his pillows of his head. He starts grumbling to himself about how “unfair this situation is” and that there were “plenty of other students he could have been roomed with”. He eventually pulls the pillow off his head after thinking about it.

“... Actually, I think I might be luckier than I first thought.” He countered himself, “Being put in a room with Potter probably saved me from the possibility of being strangled or hexed in my sleep by someone else…” He murmured this to himself softly, rubbing his chin in thought.

And what the hell was with that look in his eyes? He’d never seen anybody look at him like that before. It wasn’t really intimidating or scary, or anything negative as a matter of fact. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but it felt nice. Maybe Potter didn’t _hate_ him? Maybe they could get along this year. Maybe, just maybe, he could try and apologize for everything.

That is if nobody goes on a manhunt for him before then.


	2. Lilium lancifolium

_ Entry #2 _

_ 7th of September, 1999 _

_ Potter and I are roommates now. Not ideal, but that’s to be expected with post-war schools still trying to rebuild themselves and having a student who’d been on the other side. It’s been a  few days since I’ve come back to Hogwarts. Surprisingly, Potter and I are getting along a lot better than I had first expected us to. He’s even smiled at me a few times, while albeit unexpected it was pleasant nonetheless. _ __   
_ Pansy and I spoke again after I got here, and she promised she would come visit when she had the chance. Unfortunately, knowing how busy she still is, it will not be very soon. _ __   
_ I believe people are beginning looking at me as less of a threat and more of an “I hate you but I won’t fucking kill you” sort of person. Is it because Potter is being nicer to me? Well, if it is, I thank him. I hope that one day he won’t despise me. _ __   
_ On a side note, Potter has this odd look in his eyes that I haven’t really seen before. It isn’t really a negative expression but I don’t believe it’s a positive one either. I won’t bring it up(because then he’ll know I’ve been staring at him, how bloody awkward do you think that’d be?), so I’ll be sure to keep quiet about it. Hopefully, things continue going well for me. _ _   
_ __ If not, I suppose that’s what I get.

Draco made his way down the hallway towards the library, reading a book while he did so he could catch up on the reading he missed out on the previous day. Unfortunately, he had been feeling under the weather so he had to stay out of classes for that day. Potter had offered to bring him some food from the Great Hall, which he declined. Potter, of course, brought him some anyways. 

“I don’t want you moping about our room all night or all day tomorrow, Malfoy.” He’d insisted.

Draco just rolled his eyes and ate the food he’d been given.

Now he felt much better. Maybe he would have a good day… Well, maybe. It was certain until he ran right into Granger, who quickly turned to him in surprise then looked at him like he’d just insulted her.

“Would you watch where you’re walking?” She spat, “I almost dropped everything because of you just now!”

“Hermione, cut him a little slack. He missed out on all of his classes.”

Draco is a bit shocked when he hears another voice and realizes Granger isn’t the only one standing there. She was accompanied by Potter and Weasley, both of which have books in their hands. He’s sort of thankful that Potter had decided to defend him just then.

“So?” Weasley interjected, shooting Draco an icy glare.

“So, don’t be rude. He’s trying just as hard as us, and he’s been a surprisingly pleasant roommate.”

Draco was a bit offended when he said  “surprisingly pleasant”. Of course, he was! He was  _ Draco Malfoy _ , not some Weasley. 

“Why don’t you go hang out with him today, then?” Weasley then snapped, receiving a look from Potter that appeared taken aback.

“Ron!” Granger looked at her boyfriend, furrowing her brow with a shocked look in her eyes.

“No, it’s fine. It’s fine, Hermione.” Potter insisted, giving Weasley an icy look before turning to Draco. “Come on,  _ Draco _ . I’ll help you catch up on the things you missed.”

Draco flushed slightly when Potter used his  _ first _ name, a soft pink coming to his otherwise pale face. “That’s not really-”

Draco got cut off, “I  _ insist _ .” Potter grasped Draco’s hand firmly, leading him into the library which they’d been standing outside of. As soon as they were away from them, he let out an irritated breath and let go, rubbing his temples as he slumped into a chair at one of the tables. “Ron’s been a shithead lately…”

Draco took a seat across from him and tried to find his spot in the book again, but being considerate enough to listen to him, “Isn’t Weasley always a shithead?”

“Well, he’s an arse sometimes, but he’s never acted like this until he got with Hermione…”

“Why?” Draco prodded as he found his spot, placing his finger on the word he was on.

“Maybe because they aren’t soulmates?”

“Gee. Really? What, I haven’t noticed with their constant snogging and-”

“Cut the sarcasm.” Potter crossed his arms and Draco snorted, a smirk coming up on his face.

“Oh, they’ll separate and get over it, trust me. I  _ know _ .” He leaned forward over the table slightly, cocking his head, “Blaise and I had a fling after all. I mean, I was upset he didn’t end up being my soulmate, but that was alright once I realized I didn’t really like him that way… We didn’t talk to each other after the breakup for a bit but then after a couple weeks, we started talking again and acted as though it was nothing.”

“You really think the same is going to happen with Hermione and Ron?” Potter gave Draco a very sincere, and mildly concerned look.

_ Don’t look at me like you’re expecting me to reply, Potter. _

He then turned his head down after a moment and Draco did the same, turning his attention to his book. There was an awkward silence before Potter sat straighter and leaned over to look at the book, “How far have you gotten so far?”

“Well, with you venting and now hovering over me, not very far since we sat down.” Draco brought up his hand and pushed back the boy’s face away from him. It wasn’t gentle, but it wasn’t exactly nice either. The blond just seemed sort of irritated with him at this point.

Potter seemed embarrassed, clearing his throat. “Ah, sorry.” He flushed slightly as he sat back in his seat, visibly embarrassed. “If you need help, just ask I guess.” He brought one of his workbooks up onto the table along with a quill. There was a pause. Was he  _ really  _ expecting a reply from Draco?

“Alright, thank you, Potter-”

“Harry.” He immediately replied.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Call me Harry. We’re roommates, yeah? And we’re getting along now? There’s not really much need to call each other by our surnames.”

Draco takes a moment to think about this before nodding thoughtfully, “Yes, I suppose so.” Draco turned his eyes up to look at Potter, catching those green eyes staring back at him intently. He tried to act unfazed but felt weird so he turned his gaze back down to the page he was on as he continued speaking, “I guess that gives you permission to call me Draco then.

“Right.” Harry nodded at this and finally put his attention on the workbook in front of him.

* *

_ Entry #3 _

_ 7th of September, 1999 _

_ I apologize for making two entries in one day, but I need to get this all out. _ __   
_ Potter decided that we should be calling each other by our first names now since we’re roommates, so from here on out I will be referring to him as Harry. Not much happened this morning. I had to catch up in some classes I had missed yesterday for staying in bed ill. _ __   
_ Harry defended me when Weasley and Granger snapped at me for running into one of them. I’m actually sort of thankful he did until he decided he was going to help me with the work and stuff I’d missed yesterday. Merlin, he made it so bloody AWKWARD.  _ _   
_ __ But when he told me that I should call him Harry, I looked up and he was staring at me. The bastard was staring at me. It was so weird- he had that same look in his eyes though. It was so odd. It was like he was sizing me up- analyzing me…

Draco’s finally finished his classes for the day, yawning as he comes up close the end of the corridor. As soon as he gets about a meter or so away from turning the corner, some 4th year Ravenclaw comes right out of nowhere past him and knocking him into someone else right in front of him that he hadn’t noticed before. Draco goes tumbling into the person with a yelp and they both fall to the ground, Draco ending up on top of them.

“Oh- fuck- Merlin- I’m sorry.” He started, “That bloody 4th year wasn’t looking where he was going-” Draco’s eyes adjust finally and he realizes he staring down at Harry, who’s staring up at him, but not at his face. Harry’s staring at his neck, right at where Draco’s soulmate seed is.

“H-hey- quit looking at that, you bloody git!” He quickly put his hand over it self-consciously to cover it, before catching something orange in the corner of his eye. His stare travels down Harry’s face and lands on the spot on his neck where the little seedling should be but sees a blooming tiger lily instead. There’s a long silence before Draco finally speaks, “Oh for the love of fucking Merlin, please don’t tell me my seed grew too.”

Harry breaks his stare to look at Draco, “Uh…”

“Bloody hell.” Draco clumsily got off of Harry, grabbed his things off the ground and rushed off to the dormitory before Harry could say anything to him. Draco went into a full-on panic as soon as he made it into their shared room. What the fuck.  _ What the fuck? _ Was this really happening? It couldn’t be. There was no way in hell they were soulmates, they would have known and figured out it bloody sooner than now. 

_ How many times had they really had skin to skin contact though? Up until now, they hadn’t ever hung out with each other, so they wouldn’t have touched each other’s hands or faces much. _

Draco threw his things onto the bed and quickly went to the window, pulling his mirror from his pocket, “Pansy Parkinson.” He said, voice shaking. There was a pause before Pansy’s face came up on the mirror.

“Draco? What-”

“Potter’s my bloody soulmate.” He blurted out face a bright shade of crimson.

“Oh, no way!” Her eyes widened in shock.

“Yes. He is- look.” Draco moved down the collar of his shirt slightly to reveal the exotic orange flower which had started blooming on his neck.

“Shit. You aren’t kidding…” She whispered, then brought up a valid point. “Well, if you and Potter are getting along better now, isn’t this a good thing? It could mean that your relationship is going to get better- and soulmates doesn’t  _ necessarily _ have anything to do with romance! I mean, it could be completely platonic!”

“While those are very good points, I don’t think I could possibly  _ handle _ the idea of having to spend my life with Harry, regardless of it being romantic or not.” Draco said, “He’s reckless- always doing something bloody stupid! I mean he hasn’t so far this year, but that doesn’t mean he won’t in the future!”

“Draco, would you just fucking relax?” Her voice became stern but comforting, “You’re a Malfoy. You  _ can _ handle it. If you could handle the repercussions of being on the wrong side of a war, then you can handle being closer to Potter than you had originally intended or wanted… Besides, don’t act like you don’t like him.”

“What are you going on about?”

“You obsessed over him almost your whole life, Draco. I  _ watched _ you with my own two eyes when you  _ lost sleep _ over him.”

Draco got this violated look on his face when she said this,“I did not!”

“Draco, Blaise and I have solid proof of that situation. Don’t lie to me.”

Draco grew quiet.

“Now, do you know what you’re going to do?”

“I-”

“No. You’re not.”

“I didn’t even finish!”

Pansy ignored him, “You’re going to accept the situation as it is. Finding a soulmate at our age is uncommon. This is your chance, and you should take it- so take it! Just talk to him about it!”

“But how would I-”

“Bye Draco!” 

Her face went away from the mirror and Draco tossed his mirror on the bed, “Bloody hell- Fucking-”

“Draco?”

He turned quickly to the sound of Harry’s voice as he entered the room, closing the door behind him.

“Harry…” His voice trailed off and he tugged up his collar slightly to hide his flower. Draco takes a moment to collect himself then gestures at his own bed, “Um… Have a seat?”

Harry reluctantly passes over the invisible line that they’d made separating the room and walked over to Draco’s bed, having a seat on the silky purple bedding. Draco takes a deep breath and has a seat beside him, staring down at his hands which were clasped in his lap now.

“So…” 

“Draco, this doesn’t have to be a romantic thing.”

“Hm?” Draco then looked at Harry.

“This doesn’t have to be a romantic thing,” Harry repeated himself, placing one of his hands on Draco’s.

“I-...” Draco averts his gaze from Harry and closes his eyes, drawing in another deep breath.

“Not unless you want it to be.”

He opened his eyes again to find Harry’s looking right at him. He starts realizing what the look in Harry’s eyes had been all this time. Harry hadn’t been sizing him up or anything. He was checking him out. Harry Potter had been  _ checking him out _ .

“Well- well, I mean… I’m willing to give it a shot… I want to make this clear though- if we start having any second thoughts  _ at all _ about it, we have to tell the other about it.”

Harry’s lips twitched up into a wary smile and Draco got a little fidgety. Was he  _ seriously _ entering a relationship with him? Weren’t they supposed to  _ hate _ each other? Well, Draco had been pining after Harry for a long time without realizing it, but he never thought of it more than just a stupid “hate-fuck” crush on him. This whole time, had it been his bloody soul trying to tell him that him and Potter were meant to be together? 

Harry’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“May I kiss you?”

“Ah- what?”

“I’m… I’d like to kiss you.”

Draco thinks silently about this. His mouth feels like cotton and he can’t speak, so instead, he nods slowly in reply to him.

He feels his cheeks get hot as Harry’s hands come up and cup his face, his dark skin a stark contrast to Draco’s pale tone. He closes his eyes once more as Harry closes the space between them, pressing his lips against Draco’s, who gets a feel for the moment. Draco doesn’t realize it, but he feels himself returning the kiss, tilting his head. Harry pulls away, only for Draco to drag him back into it, holding him close by his shirt and opening his mouth for Harry. The kiss that he had likely intended to only be for a brief second was lasting them eternity now. It wasn’t long before Draco brought his hands up to grasp Harry’s stupidly untamed hair, and Harry pulls Draco closer, hands having moved from his face to his waist and leg. Finally, Draco pulled back away and Harry stared at him.

“I did not except that.”

“I’ll be honest: I didn’t either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this you guys!
> 
> I decided to choose the tiger lily as their flowers because tiger lilies symbolize/represent passion.
> 
> Again, if you're interested in my tumblr and stuff, you can find me at https://dovecandies.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you're interested in chatting with me on tumblr, or if you just want to check out some fan art I've recently, done, go ahead and follow me over there!
> 
> You can find me at https://dovecandies.tumblr.com


End file.
